I think I need a company car. Or maybe a chicken, cuz I know our budget here at KFC isn't that big. Though if I was gonna ride a chicken across town, I think I'd need a good sidearm, like Anduril or an AK, depending on the chicken's color scheme. Which reminds me of a Russian Folk tale where a prince turns into a Hedgehog and rides a rooster.
So anyway, apparently I've been pegged as the gullible one who will run errands without asking for gas money, so I've been to the bank ("I'd like four hundred in ones please."), and to Staples to replace our ailing printer (apparently it got confused, so when the ink was full it thought it was empty and wouldn't print.). "I love technology." (You know, the wedding song from Napoleon Dynamite...)
But then one day this last week our freezer was on the fritz. In order to save our beloved buttermilk biscuits, I was called into action to ride my noble chicken steed across town to the other KFC where their freezer was working. Sweat and feathers and smoke don't mix (Does this chicken meet California emissions codes?), but the run was successful...mostly...after retrieving the biscuits the next day and fighting through a horde of Uruk Hai with only a Crispy Strip, we found that many of the biscuits had stuck together and The Empire of Yum! in its infinite wisdom decided it was too much trouble to thaw and reform the biscuits, so I came home with two boxes of dough. Which of course means...
Experimental cooking! My personal favorite was my attempt at lembas bread, the perfect blend of Peanut Butter, honey, brown sugar and a few secret ingredients, perfect for recharging after a day fighting the forces of evil. (That is, recharging like a battery. Recharging in battle fulfills Einstein's definition of insanity.) So now we have four gallon baggies of biscuits in the fridge, and seven or so of dough in the freezer, as well as one baggie full of biscuits that I can't remember what I put on them...though the raspberry jam one definitely tasted like one of those pastries you have for breakfast with frosting on it...what are those things called? Anyway, I had that one for lunch with two Ham and Cheese biscuits, after my biscuits and milk for breakfast yesterday.
Unfortunately since the cost of corn is so high these days, I normally let my chicken run around town while I'm at work so he can feed on Pomeranians and small children, but we ran out of Crispy the other day, and we had to put him down. It was hard to convince the customers that a three foot chicken leg was as good as a 16 piece meal, but Anduril is quite persuasive. So I'm once again in the market for a company car. Have you seen any blueprints for a biscuit-mobile?
Peace and Chicken.
Written Summer 2008
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